Friday, December 23, 2005
well....at least I amuse myself
"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Kindergarten
Kindergarten: I remember kindergarten. I walked to school with my neighbor a boy named Tobias who was called Tubalub. He was my first kiss. I remember he wore brown corduroy pants and sweater vests that matched. We both did, but my were often red. My hair was cut Mia Farrow in Rosemary's baby short. My mother told me since I would not let her braid my hair she had it cut off. It was cute but psychotic. Everyone in my class had long braided hair. We had cookies for a snack and we each got two. I remember liking them very much. We had pfeffernusse around December which started me on a lifelong obession with the delicious cookies. I learned to tie my shoes. My father and I worked on it one night after dinner. It was tough but my father would not let me give up.
1st grade: Jens and Kyle moved next door to us that year. I loved to play with them. They had a large dog which frightened me. Their mother loved to bake sweets and breads and I often was at their house to sample her efforts. My mother always said she had wanted a daughter so I should be nice to her. She seemed sad. The men of her family often left her alone for days and I kept her company. She was the first woman to teach me to cook (my mother had no patience for children in the kitchen). This was the first house where I had cream cheese on a bagel. I don't think my mother has ever eaten a bagel. We went to a festival and I remember Jens and I eating nuts from a paper cone. We then decided to be wolves and howled walking from the train all the way home. I remember never wanting to return home from their house. I don't remember their father much. I don't think he was around often. I remember my mother saying he drank. ?
1st grade: Jens and Kyle moved next door to us that year. I loved to play with them. They had a large dog which frightened me. Their mother loved to bake sweets and breads and I often was at their house to sample her efforts. My mother always said she had wanted a daughter so I should be nice to her. She seemed sad. The men of her family often left her alone for days and I kept her company. She was the first woman to teach me to cook (my mother had no patience for children in the kitchen). This was the first house where I had cream cheese on a bagel. I don't think my mother has ever eaten a bagel. We went to a festival and I remember Jens and I eating nuts from a paper cone. We then decided to be wolves and howled walking from the train all the way home. I remember never wanting to return home from their house. I don't remember their father much. I don't think he was around often. I remember my mother saying he drank. ?
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
FIVE YEARS
Five years ago I had just begun what I consider as my adult life....my daughter was four months old. She was so helpless and looked just like a monkey. I had only four months previous made my biggest purchase to date, a house, and was only one month from my second largest purchase, a car. What a year that was.....a baby, a house and a new car all in one 6month span.
What a fool.....talk about stress
What a fool.....talk about stress
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Sunday
Today was so beautifully fall that I had no choice to be happy. It is sad to be so depressed and utter miserable all of the time. I know that sometime soon I will have to lift myself up, dust off my boots and start all over. Maybe this time as I rise up from the ashes of my former self, I can begin anew as someone better and easier.
On a sadder note, I have failed on our vacation this month. It seems October is THE month for vacations in the mountains. All cabins are booked except for a few undesirable ones. What to do, what to do?
Maybe I can go somewhere else, but where???
On a sadder note, I have failed on our vacation this month. It seems October is THE month for vacations in the mountains. All cabins are booked except for a few undesirable ones. What to do, what to do?
Maybe I can go somewhere else, but where???
Monday, September 19, 2005
Is is me or does this sound good?
Bit-o-Honey Pumpkin Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting
Source: The Candy Bar Cookbook: Baking With America’s Favorite Candy by Alison Inches and Ric McKown.
Makes 18 to 20 pieces.
Pumpkin Cake5 (1.7-ounce) Bit-O-Honey Bars 1 cup canola oil 4 eggs 1 (15 ounce) can pure pumpkin1 cup granulated sugar 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 3/4 teaspoon ground cloves 1 teaspoon ground allspice 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons baking powder1 teaspoons baking soda2 cups all-purpose flour
Cream Cheese Frosting8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature 2 ounces (1/2 stick) butter 1 teaspoon vanilla extract4 cups confectioners’ sugar
For the pumpkin bars:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a 13 x 9-inch pan with nonstick spray.
Freeze the Bit-O-Honey Bars 10 minutes.
In the food processor, chop candy bars coarsely. Set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, using electric mixer, combine the oil and eggs, and mix 30 seconds on high. Add pumpkin, sugar, cinnamon, cloves, allspice, ginger, nutmeg and salt. Mix on medium 1 minute, scraping down sides of the bowl.
Add the baking powder, baking soda and flour, and mix on low 30 seconds.
Fold in the chopped candy bars.
Pour the batter into a prepared pan and bake 25 minutes, or until a wooden pick inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. Cool completely before frosting.
For the cream cheese frosting:
In a large mixing bowl using and electric mixer, beat together the cream cheese and butter until smooth and fluffy (about 3 minutes). Mix in the vanilla extract. Add the confectioners’ sugar and beat until thoroughly incorporated. Spread the frosting evenly over the top of the cooled pumpkin bars. Cut into 2 x 3-inch squares.
Source: The Candy Bar Cookbook: Baking With America’s Favorite Candy by Alison Inches and Ric McKown.
Makes 18 to 20 pieces.
Pumpkin Cake5 (1.7-ounce) Bit-O-Honey Bars 1 cup canola oil 4 eggs 1 (15 ounce) can pure pumpkin1 cup granulated sugar 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 3/4 teaspoon ground cloves 1 teaspoon ground allspice 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons baking powder1 teaspoons baking soda2 cups all-purpose flour
Cream Cheese Frosting8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature 2 ounces (1/2 stick) butter 1 teaspoon vanilla extract4 cups confectioners’ sugar
For the pumpkin bars:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a 13 x 9-inch pan with nonstick spray.
Freeze the Bit-O-Honey Bars 10 minutes.
In the food processor, chop candy bars coarsely. Set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, using electric mixer, combine the oil and eggs, and mix 30 seconds on high. Add pumpkin, sugar, cinnamon, cloves, allspice, ginger, nutmeg and salt. Mix on medium 1 minute, scraping down sides of the bowl.
Add the baking powder, baking soda and flour, and mix on low 30 seconds.
Fold in the chopped candy bars.
Pour the batter into a prepared pan and bake 25 minutes, or until a wooden pick inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. Cool completely before frosting.
For the cream cheese frosting:
In a large mixing bowl using and electric mixer, beat together the cream cheese and butter until smooth and fluffy (about 3 minutes). Mix in the vanilla extract. Add the confectioners’ sugar and beat until thoroughly incorporated. Spread the frosting evenly over the top of the cooled pumpkin bars. Cut into 2 x 3-inch squares.
Friday, July 22, 2005
ah to be a cow
Farmers low at hemp ban for cows
By Alan Little BBC News, Liechtenstein
Liechtenstein milk farmers have been stirred up by a government ban on their feeding hemp to their cattle.
They are the most chilled-out, laid-back, carefree cattle in the world, and happy cows produce better milk.
What is it that keeps the cash cows calm? Hemp, which is related to cannabis. And that's why Liechtenstein has banned its use.
This has in turn enraged the country's dairy farmers, who say that the hemp relaxes those jangly bovine nerves.
Hemp farmers are less then mellow about the new law.
"Hemp is good for cows because it is serves as a very small tranquiliser," says hemp farmer Jean-Pierre Egger.
"Many of the cows are stressed nowadays. If they eat hemp, they calm down. Now, a milk cow which is calm produces better milk. That is a fact."
No high
In neighbouring Switzerland, hemp is grown legally for industrial purposes but farmers are also banned from feeding it to cattle.
The authorities there say the trouble is that a chemical called THC - the chemical that helps give the "high" associated with cannabis use - can get into the milk.
The only thing which gets high is the quality of milk and the quality and general health of the cow Jean-Pierre Egger Hemp farmer
Peter Malin, of the Liechtenstein Department of Agriculture, has similar concerns.
"We don't want to have to contaminants such as THC which doesn't occur naturally in milk," he said. "And we don't want it to be consumed by people, especially by children."
But farmers say this European hemp has none of the narcotic properties found in its Indian cousin.
The cattle here may be relaxed, but they are not stoned.
"The only thing which gets high is the quality of milk and the quality and general health of the cow. That's how high the cows are feeling," says Mr Egger.
But there are some other dairy-cow farmers who are sceptical about the milk-yield benefits of hemp. They welcome the ban.
Dairy farmer Simon Schiprscher says he never feeds his cows hemp.
"I thought the people that did were a bit exotic and alternative," he said.
So consumers of Swiss chocolate and Gruyere cheese can, well, relax.
For the cows who will have to change their diet though, life is about to become a little less laid back.
Story from BBC NEWS:http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/world/europe/4699945.stm
By Alan Little BBC News, Liechtenstein
Liechtenstein milk farmers have been stirred up by a government ban on their feeding hemp to their cattle.
They are the most chilled-out, laid-back, carefree cattle in the world, and happy cows produce better milk.
What is it that keeps the cash cows calm? Hemp, which is related to cannabis. And that's why Liechtenstein has banned its use.
This has in turn enraged the country's dairy farmers, who say that the hemp relaxes those jangly bovine nerves.
Hemp farmers are less then mellow about the new law.
"Hemp is good for cows because it is serves as a very small tranquiliser," says hemp farmer Jean-Pierre Egger.
"Many of the cows are stressed nowadays. If they eat hemp, they calm down. Now, a milk cow which is calm produces better milk. That is a fact."
No high
In neighbouring Switzerland, hemp is grown legally for industrial purposes but farmers are also banned from feeding it to cattle.
The authorities there say the trouble is that a chemical called THC - the chemical that helps give the "high" associated with cannabis use - can get into the milk.
The only thing which gets high is the quality of milk and the quality and general health of the cow Jean-Pierre Egger Hemp farmer
Peter Malin, of the Liechtenstein Department of Agriculture, has similar concerns.
"We don't want to have to contaminants such as THC which doesn't occur naturally in milk," he said. "And we don't want it to be consumed by people, especially by children."
But farmers say this European hemp has none of the narcotic properties found in its Indian cousin.
The cattle here may be relaxed, but they are not stoned.
"The only thing which gets high is the quality of milk and the quality and general health of the cow. That's how high the cows are feeling," says Mr Egger.
But there are some other dairy-cow farmers who are sceptical about the milk-yield benefits of hemp. They welcome the ban.
Dairy farmer Simon Schiprscher says he never feeds his cows hemp.
"I thought the people that did were a bit exotic and alternative," he said.
So consumers of Swiss chocolate and Gruyere cheese can, well, relax.
For the cows who will have to change their diet though, life is about to become a little less laid back.
Story from BBC NEWS:http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/world/europe/4699945.stm
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
okay......
Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against African Lion
Tickets had been sold-out three weeks before the much anticipated fight, which took place in the city of Kâmpóng Chhnãng.
The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.
Sihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine."
This campaign is believed to be what sparked the undisclosed fan to challenge the entire league to fight a lion; a challenge that Sihamoni readily accepted.
An African Lion (Panthera Leo) was shipped to centrally located Kâmpóng Chhnãng especially for the event, which took place last Saturday, April 30, 2005 in the city’s coliseum.
The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena.
The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.
Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they “… could out-wit and out-muscle [it].”
Unfortunately, he was wrong.
Tickets had been sold-out three weeks before the much anticipated fight, which took place in the city of Kâmpóng Chhnãng.
The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.
Sihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine."
This campaign is believed to be what sparked the undisclosed fan to challenge the entire league to fight a lion; a challenge that Sihamoni readily accepted.
An African Lion (Panthera Leo) was shipped to centrally located Kâmpóng Chhnãng especially for the event, which took place last Saturday, April 30, 2005 in the city’s coliseum.
The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena.
The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.
Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they “… could out-wit and out-muscle [it].”
Unfortunately, he was wrong.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Too much
My dad died two weeks ago. I have felt more sadness recently than I ever thought a person could feel. Nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of losing ones parent. I actually don't think I have fully accepted this reality. It almost feels as though he will return from some far off place any day and it will have all been a bad dream. How is that for putting your head in the sand and hiding from life. I cannot sit and cry, but feel I really need to do just that. Life does go on. Each day you place one foot in front of the other and continue forth. This will all fade in time. I even lack the energy and ability to concentrate to type this. I lack the ability to gather my fleeting thoughts together into a cohesive bundle. Later maybe.....
Monday, June 06, 2005
Time is the enemy
They stopped dad's chemo treatment. They said all it was accomplishing was making him sick. He had more spots show up and they are going to do more testing on them. Mom is to meet with a social worker today to discuss his options (home or hospice). She seems pretty glum. I still have not fully digested this yet. It does not feel right. He deserves more than this. My chest hurts when I think about it. He has had such a hard life and now he will have a hard death. Drowning in your own fluid seems so......Such a betrayal.
My brother is coming down to see dad this summer with his boys. He was going to spend the summer in Croatia, but has decided that he is needed here. I feel relieved he is coming. I often wonder if we need to find his other child, but last I heard she was leaving somewhere near Munich, or outside of it rather. I guess that will be my sister's job. She has been the only one to keep even remotely in touch with her. Black sheep to blacker sheep.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie
How on earth did that bastard cat become one of the major loves of my life??? Viggo and Eddie. Eddie and Viggo.
Dad is back in the hospital. His weight is down to 118 pounds. That is down from his normal 170. He looks so skinny. I walked in when he did not have a shirt on and instantly thought of Dachau. His doctor said he was not to lose one single pound, but at least they had encouraging news for us yesterday. Doc seems pretty certain that dad will pull through this. I sure hope so. I know it is selfish but I need my daddy for a few more years.
On to other news. Tomorrow is the last day of school for the little kiddies. I used to hate summer. Monday I will not be working so I will see what is planned. Hopefully I can come up with something fun.
I need to get more info on praxis I, II and III
Dad is back in the hospital. His weight is down to 118 pounds. That is down from his normal 170. He looks so skinny. I walked in when he did not have a shirt on and instantly thought of Dachau. His doctor said he was not to lose one single pound, but at least they had encouraging news for us yesterday. Doc seems pretty certain that dad will pull through this. I sure hope so. I know it is selfish but I need my daddy for a few more years.
On to other news. Tomorrow is the last day of school for the little kiddies. I used to hate summer. Monday I will not be working so I will see what is planned. Hopefully I can come up with something fun.
I need to get more info on praxis I, II and III
Monday, May 23, 2005
Today
YEAH. Today my dad gets to go home from the hospital. It has been a month and now yeah he can come home tomorrow morning. He has to go back in on next Monday, but yeah for a whole week he can sleep in his own bed. Cancer is a bitch. Last night they moved him to a private room away from everyone for neutropenic isolation, but it is good news that he can go home. My dad has become a small, frail old man in just a matter of months. It is amazing how fast he changed before my eyes. At least he is not in so much pain now.
On the better front.....I am so loving NORO. Work on butterfly is really moving along. I am already planning my next Noro purchase after I finish some more things of course.
What is next on the menu after Butterfly?
I will have to list soon.
On the better front.....I am so loving NORO. Work on butterfly is really moving along. I am already planning my next Noro purchase after I finish some more things of course.
What is next on the menu after Butterfly?
I will have to list soon.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
NO!!
MELBOURNE, Australia (May 21) - Australian pop diva Kylie Minogue has undergone successful surgery for early breast cancer at a Melbourne hospital and her spirits are high, her surgeon said on Saturday.
"I am very pleased to be able to confirm that the operation was successful," said Dr. Jenny Senior, who operated on Minogue on Friday afternoon. "I feel confident that we caught the cancer in time and she is now on the road to a complete recovery.
"Her spirits are high and she's feeling fine," she added.
Minogue, 36, said on Tuesday she had been diagnosed with early breast cancer and postponed her Australian and Asian "Showgirl Tour" concerts.
Her management said on Thursday initial tests had shown the cancer was confined to the breast.
Senior did not give any details about the operation but said the surgery was considered "best practice" around the world for early breast cancer.
She said Minogue was resting but wanted to thank her many well-wishers.
"Kylie has asked me to pass on her thanks once again to all who have expressed their love and concern for her," Senior said. "Your support has certainly helped her through a tough time."
She declined to say where Minogue was recuperating.
A Star's Battle
Her younger sister Dannii, also a pop singer, flew from London to join family and friends by her side.
Minogue, signed to EMI, is worth about $46 million, according to a 2004 list of rich, young Australians compiled by BRW magazine.
Minogue rose from humble showbiz beginnings as a teenage actress in the Australian soap opera, "Neighbors," in the 1980s to international stardom as one of the world's top pop singers.
News of Minogue's breast cancer has dominated Australian and British media and has attracted words of sympathy and support from some of the music industry's biggest names -- from Britain's Elton John to U.S. pop singer Madonna.
Australian and international media have camped outside the Minogue family home since news of the cancer broke. Some have staked out hospitals in Melbourne.
On the streets of Sydney, fans were delighted at news of the successful operation.
"That's some good news for her, for us and everybody in Australia. Thank God, you know what I mean," said Mostafa Khattabi, a shop owner at Sydney's Circular Quay ferry terminal.
"Sometimes it takes someone famous to get that sick for people to see how tragic it can be. But it is really excellent she is making a full recovery. She's a great ambassador for Australia," added fan Brendan McMahon.
Minogue's stardom has boosted the campaign to raise awareness of breast cancer and the singer has asked fans to donate to cancer research instead of sending her flowers.
Australia's Cancer Council said on Saturday fans had donated about $6,000 within 24 hours to a special fund it had set up.
Breast cancer is the biggest cause of cancer deaths in Australian women, unlike the United States and Britain where it is second, behind lung cancer.
Australian cancer clinics have reported a flood of women seeking breast cancer check-ups. There is currently no cure for breast cancer, with the medical focus on early detection as the best way to survive the disease.
Kylie Stott contributed to this story.
05-21-05 22:25 EDT
"I am very pleased to be able to confirm that the operation was successful," said Dr. Jenny Senior, who operated on Minogue on Friday afternoon. "I feel confident that we caught the cancer in time and she is now on the road to a complete recovery.
"Her spirits are high and she's feeling fine," she added.
Minogue, 36, said on Tuesday she had been diagnosed with early breast cancer and postponed her Australian and Asian "Showgirl Tour" concerts.
Her management said on Thursday initial tests had shown the cancer was confined to the breast.
Senior did not give any details about the operation but said the surgery was considered "best practice" around the world for early breast cancer.
She said Minogue was resting but wanted to thank her many well-wishers.
"Kylie has asked me to pass on her thanks once again to all who have expressed their love and concern for her," Senior said. "Your support has certainly helped her through a tough time."
She declined to say where Minogue was recuperating.
A Star's Battle
Her younger sister Dannii, also a pop singer, flew from London to join family and friends by her side.
Minogue, signed to EMI, is worth about $46 million, according to a 2004 list of rich, young Australians compiled by BRW magazine.
Minogue rose from humble showbiz beginnings as a teenage actress in the Australian soap opera, "Neighbors," in the 1980s to international stardom as one of the world's top pop singers.
News of Minogue's breast cancer has dominated Australian and British media and has attracted words of sympathy and support from some of the music industry's biggest names -- from Britain's Elton John to U.S. pop singer Madonna.
Australian and international media have camped outside the Minogue family home since news of the cancer broke. Some have staked out hospitals in Melbourne.
On the streets of Sydney, fans were delighted at news of the successful operation.
"That's some good news for her, for us and everybody in Australia. Thank God, you know what I mean," said Mostafa Khattabi, a shop owner at Sydney's Circular Quay ferry terminal.
"Sometimes it takes someone famous to get that sick for people to see how tragic it can be. But it is really excellent she is making a full recovery. She's a great ambassador for Australia," added fan Brendan McMahon.
Minogue's stardom has boosted the campaign to raise awareness of breast cancer and the singer has asked fans to donate to cancer research instead of sending her flowers.
Australia's Cancer Council said on Saturday fans had donated about $6,000 within 24 hours to a special fund it had set up.
Breast cancer is the biggest cause of cancer deaths in Australian women, unlike the United States and Britain where it is second, behind lung cancer.
Australian cancer clinics have reported a flood of women seeking breast cancer check-ups. There is currently no cure for breast cancer, with the medical focus on early detection as the best way to survive the disease.
Kylie Stott contributed to this story.
05-21-05 22:25 EDT
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Unbearable weight
My dad has cancer. He has had it for probably seven months before anyone knew. He is very, very sick and I am a bit lost. You never know how much glue someone provides for your life until the threat that they may be taken from you is revealed. The doctor's cannot even tell us if the chemo will be a band-aid or a life saver. All I ask is for at least five more years. I cannot see why this cannot be accomplished. Just five more years of productive life. I cannot even think of life without my dad. He means so much and I need him some much. I won't know who to turn to for any of life's lessons or questions. Who will tell me how to file my taxes, fix my car or rescue me in any situation? My dad has always been there, even when he was not physically there. His presence has always been felt. When he went into the fields, as military men do, I always knew he would come back. Now I feel at a loss. I feel his loss. I feel my mother's incredible loss.
The saddest thing is that I don't feel I can be strong and that is what is expected of me. I'm not sure if I can carry on when I struggle to get out of bed as it is now. My world definitely seems a little dark and a little grayer. I was already in the bell jar before all this and now I know it is descending like a weight now (thank you Sylvia for the image). Shit, I don't even have any money or insurance to get myself straight in the head but I have to struggle forth for my daughter. It just seems like there must be some way out ....But I know I have not the luxury for such thoughts now - soon.
The saddest thing is that I don't feel I can be strong and that is what is expected of me. I'm not sure if I can carry on when I struggle to get out of bed as it is now. My world definitely seems a little dark and a little grayer. I was already in the bell jar before all this and now I know it is descending like a weight now (thank you Sylvia for the image). Shit, I don't even have any money or insurance to get myself straight in the head but I have to struggle forth for my daughter. It just seems like there must be some way out ....But I know I have not the luxury for such thoughts now - soon.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Hmmm. Party anyone?
An Oregon man who recently moved from Northern California has been arrested on suspicion of soliciting women and children on the Internet for a Valentine's Day mass suicide on the lawn of his parents' home.
Dean Krein, 26, was arrested Wednesday in Klamath Falls, a town of 20,000 just 15 miles north of the California border.
Krein was arraigned Thursday on a charge of solicitation to commit murder. That charge stems from one woman he contacted who apparently planned to kill her two children before she killed herself, said Capt. Chris Montenaro of the Klamath County Sheriff's Department.
Montenaro said authorities were alerted to the plan on Tuesday by a Canadian woman who was to participate in what Krein called his "suicide party. "
"When she discovered that (the killing of children) was to occur, she got uneasy," Montenaro said. After Krein's arrest, police searched his parents' home, where he lived, and seized his computer.
Montenaro said Krein had moved from Northern California -- investigators were still trying to determine from where -- and his parents had previously lived in Sacramento and its suburb of Citrus Heights. Krein was reportedly unemployed and moved to Klamath Falls to care for his father.
The Canadian woman printed conversations from a Yahoo chat room where Krein allegedly discussed the killing of children as part of the mass suicide, Montenaro said, adding that authorities are trying to locate those children.
So far, sheriff's investigators have identified several individuals who planned to travel to Klamath Falls for the mass suicide. Krein solicited as many as 32 people for the event, authorities said. Investigators at the sheriff's department have subpoenaed chat room conversations and user names from Yahoo and say they are racing the clock to identify as many people as possible before Monday. The chat room was online for several months and Montenaro said he did not know how many people had planned to travel to Oregon to commit suicide.
A Yahoo spokeswoman said Friday afternoon that she was unaware of the situation and could not immediately comment on the company's role in the investigation.
While the mass suicide was to happen in Oregon, authorities worry that some may now do it on their own. Krein has refused to talk to investigators since his arrest, Montenaro said. "He is all but clammed up."
E-mail Wyatt Buchanan at wbuchanan@sfchronicle.com
Dean Krein, 26, was arrested Wednesday in Klamath Falls, a town of 20,000 just 15 miles north of the California border.
Krein was arraigned Thursday on a charge of solicitation to commit murder. That charge stems from one woman he contacted who apparently planned to kill her two children before she killed herself, said Capt. Chris Montenaro of the Klamath County Sheriff's Department.
Montenaro said authorities were alerted to the plan on Tuesday by a Canadian woman who was to participate in what Krein called his "suicide party. "
"When she discovered that (the killing of children) was to occur, she got uneasy," Montenaro said. After Krein's arrest, police searched his parents' home, where he lived, and seized his computer.
Montenaro said Krein had moved from Northern California -- investigators were still trying to determine from where -- and his parents had previously lived in Sacramento and its suburb of Citrus Heights. Krein was reportedly unemployed and moved to Klamath Falls to care for his father.
The Canadian woman printed conversations from a Yahoo chat room where Krein allegedly discussed the killing of children as part of the mass suicide, Montenaro said, adding that authorities are trying to locate those children.
So far, sheriff's investigators have identified several individuals who planned to travel to Klamath Falls for the mass suicide. Krein solicited as many as 32 people for the event, authorities said. Investigators at the sheriff's department have subpoenaed chat room conversations and user names from Yahoo and say they are racing the clock to identify as many people as possible before Monday. The chat room was online for several months and Montenaro said he did not know how many people had planned to travel to Oregon to commit suicide.
A Yahoo spokeswoman said Friday afternoon that she was unaware of the situation and could not immediately comment on the company's role in the investigation.
While the mass suicide was to happen in Oregon, authorities worry that some may now do it on their own. Krein has refused to talk to investigators since his arrest, Montenaro said. "He is all but clammed up."
E-mail Wyatt Buchanan at wbuchanan@sfchronicle.com
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